the art of doing nothing
entering my idle-girl-era by rotting in bed. this whole piece is a self-drag.
I’ve noticed that there’s been a significant shift over the past few years, mainly thanks to the holy beacon of light that is TikTok, towards this trend of defining oneself through the various elements of culture and fiction we consume. I started seeing it more and more after having read Rayne Fisher-Quann’s essay ‘Standing on the Shoulders of Complex Female Characters’, but now, a simple scroll through the For You Page displays just how prolific this commodification of our personalities has become - we are no longer people with multi-faceted interests and hobbies. Instead, we are the ‘It-Girl’, or we’re ‘That Girl’; we’re a ‘Hot Girl’ who enjoys her widely-popular ‘Hot Girl Walk’ every morning to the local Costa, or we start reading Sally Rooney and all of a sudden we’re in our ‘Marianne era’, when, in actual fact, we’re just being a little quieter than usual. If you go out every night, you’re in your ‘Chaotic/Reputation’ Era but if you stay in and pop a face mask on and watch a film, that kind of relaxation connotes ‘Self-love’ and potentially even being a ‘Clean Girl’ (Arguably the worst aesthetic term at the minute as it implies the presence of a less put-together ‘Dirty Girl’). Everything has become a performance towards a role we have casted ourselves in, as TikTok has enabled us all to become not only content consumers, but content creators too. Social media casts us as our own main character, but at the same time, we’re all equally consuming each other. My point is, no one can just exist anymore; more and more we are stamping our foreheads with the internet’s newest buzzword and claiming it as validation for our entire being. Which, forgive my being blunt, is insane.
So why do so many people find such comfort in underlining their whole existence with one single trait? Personally, I think a lot of it stems from representation - people like to be able to relate to something/someone, whether it be from a book or a movie or even just a famous person, and they like to say: ‘I am similar to this character that people like, therefore you should like me too’. Representation IS irrefutably important in many aspects - minority groups have consistently found themselves underrepresented in many ways of life, and this lack of representation then perpetuates the cycle of discrimination. However, the current trend cycle, from which many are obtaining their representation, is so painfully fast-moving, that not only are people’s shopping habits constantly changing with the cycle - so are their projected personalities.
if you invite me to a vision board night we can no longer speak.
Let’s take Matilda Djerf for example (who seems lovely might I add, but she IS the perfect case study). Following Djerf’s swift rise to prominence, there was a sudden increase in people using the term ‘Clean Girl aesthetic’ all over social media. Djerf’s signature put-together, somewhat-business-casual look and her cosy-homebody aesthetic swept the internet, and all of a sudden everyone’s wearing blazers to the club and restricting their colour palette to grey, white, maybe beige at a push. People were cancelling plans in favour of staying in and journalling in an Olaplex bun, and all of a sudden I’m seeing videos encouraging me to plan a night in with my friends where we all make vision boards and matcha. All of a sudden, staying home, reading a book and prioritising me-time can no longer simply be the plan when you’re not feeling up to anything else, but a bold statement; a clear demonstration of one’s superior maturity. Doing nothing, but doing it aesthetically. ‘#Clean Girl’ infiltrated all areas of TikTok and Instagram to the point where it then tied in perfectly, as most of these trend cycles do, with consumerism, gifting free marketing to brands, all boxed up with a pretty beige bow on top. Web articles titled ‘How to Achieve the Clean Girl Makeup Look' have been featured on many a fashion publication, unsurprisingly fronted by predominantly thin, white women. Matilda’s own brand ‘Djerf Avenue’ consistently manages to charge deluxe prices for things such as dressing gowns and bedsheets, meanwhile her website is emblazoned with words like “self love” and “positive affirmations”- her own personal aesthetic has become her brand, and what she releases almost always sells out.
A similar phenomenon has occurred with terms like ‘Coquette’, whereby girls typically seen in Margiela Tabi ballet flats, reading Joan Didion on the bus whilst listening to Lizzy Grant have referred to themselves under such a term, and then brands like Wildflower Cases can then describe a pink phone case as “the ultimate case for your coquette aesthetic”.
It’s not necessarily questionable that people want to define themselves this way, as subcultures have always existed. If someone mentions hippies, punks, or goths, I reckon we have a typical image in our minds of how these different people appear and what their interests are: hippies typically wish for peace, punks push for non-conformity and anti-consumerism, and goths tend to find beauty in things considered dark. The difference here is, the subcultures of the past were defined more through their beliefs and relation to one another, whilst these present-day micro-trend-led terms are pretty much only defined through material goods, and what with the trend-cycle moving so rapidly, these people who are desperately wanting to keep themselves defined by the latest micro-trend, simply can’t keep up with the kit-list, which is a never-ending cycle as they’re performing a personality that’s been created by social media.
i’m so aloof-amy dunne-male-manipulator-feminine-rage-core
There’s also something quite off-putting about the various TikTok trends where people have made videos about what makes THEM specifically the ‘Cool Girl’ or the ‘Main Character’, and then (in the least hater-y way can I stress cos I’ve done most of these things too) it’s the same regurgitated Ottessa Moshfegh, Diet Coke, binchtopia kinda content. Everyone is enjoying the same culture, but spinning their consumption to a different angle to service their persona. You reading Joan Didion because you like Joan Didion is how most people consume literature - you like the author, therefore you read the book. But now, Didion has become attributed to the label of the ‘Cool Girl’, so now all the cool girls read Didion until the cool girls find something even cooler to read and then what was once cool no longer is. It’s the age-old inherently unfair thing whereby declaring something as cool arguably makes it less cool, which shouldn’t be the case considering that’s what fuels these ever-changing micro-labels. People are fighting for individuality by claiming a label, but there’s 100000 other girls claiming the same label, so there’s a need for everyone to keep outdoing each other until there’s a new label and all that old stuff isn’t cool anymore. I do love Didion more than everyone else tho.
what is ‘it’?
I felt like the concept of the ‘It Girl’ needed a section of its own. For the longest time, videos such as ‘It Girl Makeup Routine’, ‘It Girl Skincare Routine’, ‘It Girl Christmas List’ etc. have been ALL over my TikTok - it is the high title that everyone is striving to achieve amongst the ranks of Iris Law, Bella Hadid etc. - but what is an ‘It Girl’? Brands and influencers are commanding the attention of the masses by assembling the supposed perfect items to become this elusive character, but the painful fact of the matter is, the ‘It Girl’, whilst more often than not she DOES own cool clothes and cool makeup, it’s the unattainability of the ‘It Girl’s’ title, which MAKES her an ‘It Girl’. Realistically, if everyone could feasibly be one, no one would be. Again, brands have made use of the internet’s fixation on the term as a means of selling to those who are aiming for that similar internet-hype, with absolutely no idea how that hype is amassed. I feel like I can safely say that Bella Hadid isn’t garnering all her fashion inspiration from an ‘It Girl OOTD’. The ‘It girl’ is measured in unspoken coolness, and whilst there’s not an issue with describing oneself as an ‘It Girl’, I think it’s important to note that that coolness truly can’t come from following a step-by-step shopping list.
what am i even trying to say
What I think my point is, is that, whilst representation and finding comfort in one’s likeness to another are both hugely important concepts, especially to minority groups who have long been underrepresented in many aspects of life, and in a way which I will never personally experience as a white woman, we are so much more complex than a tagline, or the things we consume. Throughout culture, women have been condensed into cliches in attempts to simplify us and understand us merely at a surface level. Whilst I love a night in with a face-mask, I also love the utmost of messy nights where I wake up in the morning with my face imprinted on my pillow in last night’s makeup. I love Moshfegh’s ‘My Year of Rest and Relaxation’, but I wouldn’t want to be anything like the protagonist, therefore I don’t think it defines ME and makes ME a cool girl. Consuming has become conflated with becoming, when, in my opinion, we should know who we are and what we stand for BEFORE consuming what the internet tells us we should like and what we should buy, not after. I’m also pretty okay not being an ‘It Girl’. Not knowing why you’re cool sounds tiring.
honestly, finding this in 2025 and reading it at 10 pm on a random tuesday while i stay up and wait for tickets to your concert was an insane shift in how i thought this night would go. i'm not ususally one to fangirl over artists beyond listening to their music an unhealthy amount- but i'm so glad i went on an alessi rose deep-dive today. i'm about 2 and a half months from turning 18 and it's scary knowing the state of the world right now. trends change faster than my mind can comprehend it and people hate on each other whilst hiding behind a glass screen, you're right, it's insane. the normalization of people telling everyone what they think of each other all the time is so wild to me- the lack of compassion when it comes to people they don't know personally is something i just cant get behind. it's very reassuring to know that someone whom i have admired for so long shares that frustrated feeling. we are so much more than labels that microtrends put on us, we're people. humans. creatures who thrive on making mistakes and learning from them, we don't have to be "perfect" evey day. taking a day to just BE, not a "lazy day" not a "self care day", just a day to BE- can be so necessary. sometimes i don't have the capacity to care for myself and i don't want to be pitied or told to do some affirmations so my ADHD burnout will "dissapear like magic". being nice to yourself can mean so much more than washing your face, taking an "everything shower" and changing your silk sheets so you can wake up like a clean-girl. if i need to lay in bed and watch youtube in my free time every once in a while- i don't want anyone to call my bedrotting an aesthetic or have to feel bad because i'm not giving myself love if i'm not taking care of my physical needs. i love that you wrote this alessi, even if it was over two years ago, i really needed it today, been a rough couple of weeks. thank you. <3
This essay is so beyond relatable. I feel like young teenage girls just put themselves on a spectrum trying to maintain this standard of It Girls and labelling themselves as something they don’t feel necessarily content with. It’s pretty hard trying to find your “identity” off of media because it’s not you. As David Gauntlets theory implies that while people are individuals, they tend to construct their identity with what they consume and groups who are similar to them - and media is a huge impact as it reflects most of these categories and taglines we try to identify ourselves with most of our lives. But we are so much more than that. I want to be okay with not having it all put together every single day of my life. Social media prevents us from normalising this, and I feel like these internet standards are stopping us, young girls, to being the best version of ourselves. Thank u sm Alessi for sharing your thoughts on this 🩷 u are a queen